For 2.5 Months, I Didn’t See My Kids

In 2011 I embarked on a personal journey of healing and self-discovery. I left for 2.5 months to Baja California Sur, Mexico and did an outdoor leadership course on backpacking, sea kayaking, and sailing. I had just lost my mom one year prior and had become the legal guardian for my older sister suffering from Traumatic Brain Injury due to a car accident. 24/7 I was on taking care of her, her daughter, my kids, and so on. I was completely burned out and never really got to mourn the loss of my mom.⁣

So I left. No kids. No phone. No internet or Facebook. Nothing. For 2.5 months I was in the desert with strangers doing things I had never done before. It was definitely hard to leave my kids for that time, especially considering how young they were (2 & 4). But I've always intuitively known that if I'm not well, neither are my kids. And that while I am a mother, I'm also me and have to have space to discover who I am.⁣

What I experienced changed my life. I had never known what it was to have a quiet mind but after the first two weeks I had to force myself to think. There was just nothing there. I found myself a bit distraught by it. But then I realized that either I'm going to stay in my head or be in the moment and live. Well, I chose the later and discovered true joy. What's funny is I basically didn't look in the mirror for 2.5 months and so my barometer for happiness was solely based on what was inside. ⁣

It was incredible. But when I got back to Chicago, the intensity and noise of the city hit me hard. I hadn't realized what I'd been living in until I was out of it and for 7 years, I desperately tried to leave.⁣

So much of the reason for moving to Hawaii was to get back to that peace and joy by re-immersing myself in nature and its power. I don't believe as humans we're meant to be so disconnected from the land and I don't believe our minds are meant to be so cluttered.⁣

What I wish for all of us mamas is peace and wholeness. But to get there, we have to truly discover who we are. That can be challenging as a mom, especially if you're a young mom or single. But it's not impossible. Don't burn out taking care of others and forget about yourself.⁣ 🌺❤️