I Struggled To Reconcile Becoming A Mama

This is going to sounds crazy, but when I was 20 years old, I had an arranged marriage and out of that marriage came my first two kids, Genesis and Vision. I won’t go into how it all happened but just know I joined a crazy church (aka cult) at 16 or 17 and by 20, they had arranged my marriage. True story. ⁣

So why am I telling you this? Well due to the circumstances by which I became a mama and at such a young age, I struggled for a long time with being a mother once I left that church. I loved my children but once I left, I felt that in some ways, I hadn’t chosen to be married and have children yet. And as I got older, I felt I really wasn’t ready and I began to resent the fact that I had to somehow live my youth all while being a mother. It was a really challenging time for me. I didn’t know how to be both a young adult and a mother at the same time. And after my mom died, when my son was just two months, life was just hard. By 25, I was divorced and a single mama trying to figure it all out. ⁣

It was and has been a long and hard journey and I’ve made a lot of wrong turns. But with each turn, I’ve learned a valuable lesson and gained deeper insight into my intuition and my path and had the opportunity to make a better decision the next time. ⁣

It took me awhile to learn how to distinguish my voice and intuition from other people’s needs, wants, and desires but I’m happy to say I’ve gotten to a much better place. And over the last few years, I was finally able to see how me being a mama didn’t need to be some liability that I had to hide, explain, or justify. I could be my full self, live my best life, AND be a mama to my beautiful kids. ⁣

So I just want to say that wherever you’re at in your life, be committed to your journey and know that things take time. And don’t compare your journey to someone else’s. It might be dark or difficult and you might be really struggling, but all you can do is do your best. You might feel behind but you’re not. Your job is to be on your path. And if you struggle with mamahood like I did, it’s okay. If you stay true to you and follow your intuition, you’ll evolve, grow, and become your best self. Don’t lose hope mama. 😘❤️